Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Facing Life

Now that I have moved back to Dayton, OH I am forced to face the reality that my Grandmother is in a nursing home. The last time I saw her was a little over a year ago (Christmas 2009). She was lucid then. We played cards together (yes, with REAL cards) and we had a very nice time together. She even made a comment about whether or not I would ever look back and remember that (this) time together. Now, I think about it all the time.

She's in a nursing home now in the "beginning" stages of dementia. I put that in quotes because I beg to differ with the term "beginning". While I haven't seen her yet, the way she is now, I have been getting updates from my parents. Half of the time she doesn't know who people are or where she is.

Which brings me to my current situation.

I need to go see her, but I'm scared. I'm scared of shattering the memory of the last time I saw her. When she still had a sparkle in her eyes and knew who I was. Her Grandson.

I lost my maternal Grandmother a couple years ago and I'm still reeling from that. But I know that I should feel lucky that my paternal Grandmother is still around. Even if her mental capacity is waning.

I'll go see her in a few days.

I think I'll take a pack of playing cards with me too.

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